Introduction: Get to know From Surviving to Living!
by Holly | May 1, 2023 | Life During | 0 Comments
A brief note or two for first time visitors. First, welcome! I'm so glad to see you! Are you in need of rescue? Here is my rescue story. I share it because I know it can be your story too! It is my prayer that every post lead you one step closer in your walk with Jesus today. There is no right or wrong way to read this blook. Read the posts in any order you desire! The "Blook like a blog" page...
Chapter 1: JAIL
by Holly | April 1, 2023 | 2010, Life Before | 0 Comments
Intake process at the county jail passed in a blur. Well that's not exactly true. It dragged on, so boring it became forgettable. An officer transported me by police car from the local police station to the county jail. Hands cuffed behind me, I sat on a hard plastic seat in the back. The jail entrance reminded me of a hospital Emergency Room. We pulled up under the porte-cochere, a cement...
Chapter 2: BAIL, SENTENCING, & PRISON INTAKE
by Holly | May 2, 2023 | 2010, 2011, Life Before | 0 Comments
Released on bail after 3 months in jail, Chad arrived to bring me home, telling me in the car, “We’re being evicted and everything has to be out of the house by the end of the day.” At home nothing was packed or ready for a move. We failed to meet the end of the day deadline and were forced to leave many things behind. We had nowhere to go, no money and I called my parents for...
Chapter 3: GROWING UP
by Holly | May 30, 2023 | Before 2010, Life Before | 0 Comments
At age 8 I told my little brother, Randy, that he wasn’t a real member of our family. The police had come to the door one day with a baby and said, “If he gives you any trouble, call us. We’ll come get him.” Not true, of course. Randy didn’t know that. My inspiration came from Bill Cosby records. Lip trembling, Randy went to tell on me. “Holly, stop telling your brother lies!” my mom yelled from...
Chapter 4: ORIENTATION (CHANGE, SHOCK & AWE, SUICIDE WATCH)
by Holly | June 1, 2023 | 2010, Life During | 0 Comments
Part One March 2011 - September 2015 “There is none righteous [none that meets God’s standard], not even one.” ~Romans 3:11 (AMP) “The way of the wicked is like [deep] darkness; they do not know over what they stumble.” ~Proverbs 4:19 (AMP) On my second day in prison the prison placed me in a two week orientation class. We were called R&O’s (Reception & Orientation). One purpose of...
Chapter 5: MARRIAGE
by Holly | June 1, 2023 | Before 2010, Life Before | 0 Comments
Just before my 19th birthday, I married Scott, a man I had dated in high school. On a whim we drove to Las Vegas with some friends and got married. My parents were upset by my impulsive decision. They asked me, “What were you thinking? Why did you do that?” It wouldn’t be the last time I was asked these questions and regretted my decisions. Right away Scott began staying out all night,...
Chapter 6: A PADDED ROOM (THE PICKLE SUIT)
by Holly | June 2, 2023 | 2010, Life During | 0 Comments
Suicide watch in Shakopee takes place in the facility’s segregation unit. While inmates are taken to seg for disciplinary reasons, it is also used for suicide watch and health concerns. Soon I would be seeing it for myself. Seven months had slid by since my arrival at prison. One Thursday night I called my parents’ home and my newest nightmare began. “Your husband is moving to Washington....
Chapter 7: WoW
by Holly | June 10, 2023 | 2011, Life During | 0 Comments
As I waited to be released from seg, I received a kite (internal institutional mail) from the director of Shakopee’s Women of Wellness program (WoW). She invited me to participate in the six week “in-patient” mental health program. I would be transferred to Monahan, Shakopee’s mental health living unit. I felt a little excitement. I would get back on track and do better! MCF-Shakopee...
Chapter 8: RING TOSS & DOPPELGANGERS
by Holly | June 25, 2023 | 2011, Life During | 0 Comments
My job in General Assembly (Rubber) was housed in a large warehouse building shared by several educational and industry job opportunities. There were 2 main jobs – ring inspections and cutting rubber. I was assigned to rings. Base pay was 50 cents. Working rings started by retrieving a tub of gaskets and returning to your desk. You examine each for flaws, noting imperfections and rejecting ones...
Chapter 9: NO PIE & SIX MONTHS NO SHOWER
by Holly | December 29, 2023 | 2011, 2012, Life During | 0 Comments
It was January 2012 and I worked in General Assembly inspecting gaskets at base pay, 50 cents an hour. PIE work, given out on seniority, paid $4-$6 per hour. I set my sights on top pay and planned. I didn't have long to wait. One afternoon prison guards entered, strolled through the room and halted at a nearby desk. A co-worker doing PIE work peered up in surprise. I held my breath and waited. I...
Chapter 10: SEX OFFENDER (SO) TREATMENT
by Holly | December 30, 2023 | 2012, 2013, Life During | 0 Comments
My caseworker had informed me that the Sex Offender (SO) Treatment program would remove barriers and open doors to privileges, but I nevertheless enrolled in December 2012 with an attitude problem. I was once again moved to Monahan and installed back in Lower B. Sylvia was still in residence, as was Gigi. Tamara was my newest roommate. We would be in treatment together. I also met Tina, an...
Chapter 11: UNINTENDED IDLE (AGENCY & DEHUMANIZATION)
by Holly | January 5, 2024 | 2013, 2014, Life During | 0 Comments
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My youngest son Tim, aged 11, was in hospital for emergency surgery. Scared, I had many questions. My caseworker had no information. It would be many days before an update.
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Chapter 12: LAST CALL
by Holly | January 7, 2024 | 2014, 2015, Life During | 0 Comments
"Mommy? Do you still love us?" Vivi's little voice sang out across the phone lines. Summer 2014. Timmy, under supervision of Child Protective Services, was in foster care. My heart ached as each month new reports from Social Services arrived documenting their life. "Absolutely I do, Vivi!" I answered, surprised at her question. "I thought so," she mused. "Brian visited and said you didn't love...
Chapter 13: WHERE’S MY SON!?
by Holly | January 9, 2024 | 2015, Life During | 0 Comments
"Come work with me!" Jae urged. "We need another tutor." I shuddered at the thought. "Not a chance," I threw back. Jae was a tutor in Adult Basic Education (A.B.E). It could be argued prison has neighborhoods - UI (the unemployed) its roughest and Education - UI's angry twin. In Minnesota state prison, an inmate's daily freedom is dependent upon employment. If employed your schedule is much your...
Chapter 14: SURPRISED BY JOY
by Holly | January 24, 2024 | 2015, 2016, Life During | 0 Comments
I think of this as the beginning. I was asleep, maybe dead all my life, before 2016. I was 40 years old. "Mom, I'm not sure I believe in God anymore," my oldest son Noel explained on the phone. It was October 2015, and Noel had just turned 21. Trying to remain calm I asked, "Why do you say that?" Noel had gone to a Christian school, living with my parents after I went to prison. They had taken...
Chapter 15: BREAKING BIAS
by Holly | February 4, 2024 | 2016, Life During | 0 Comments
February 2016 and another birthday in prison. When I first arrived to prison it had been March. I'd had an entire year before my first birthday there and I had watched all year, interested as other women celebrated birthdays and tried to make them special. Holidays, anniversaries, and birthdays, the hardest times in prison. They are typically spent with family and friends, happy, but can be...
Chapter 16: TASTE AND SEE
by Holly | February 11, 2024 | 2016, Life During | 0 Comments
A battle was on the horizon, one I hoped to avoid. In January 2016 I'd received news about my youngest son, Tim, who had been in foster care for 3 years. Social Services was seeking to terminate our parental rights to make Tim more desirable as a potential adoptee, or that's what they said. Tim had a challenging medical condition that if left untreated it could be fatal. After I was incarcerated...
Chapter 17: LOVE & HATE
by Holly | February 26, 2024 | 2016, Life During | 0 Comments
It was April 2016, and I'd spent the past three months trying to find a home in Minnesota for my son Tim. It was not going well. Tim, now age 13, seemed despondent. He'd spent the past 2 and a half years in a slew of foster and group homes in Washington, so many we'd lost count. Tim was desperate to go home. I was hoping to find someone in Minnesota to care for him until I was released from...
Chapter 18: Projecting (Hope): The Journey Through Adversity and Faith
by Holly | March 3, 2024 | 2016, Life During | 0 Comments
“Hi, It’s Holly! How are you?” I was reaching out to every family member, friend and organization I could remember, trying to find a place for Tim to live. It was May 2016 and 13-year-old Tim had been in foster care for a miserable 2 and half years. So far, Timmy had cycled through over 30 foster and group homes. Occasionally Social Services wouldn’t have a home for Timmy at all, and his...
Chapter 19: Meeting Mr. Bot: A Journey of Unexpected Connections and Spiritual Growth
by Holly | March 13, 2024 | 2016, Life During | 0 Comments
At my desk, I finished another letter to my children. Suddenly, movement was called over the P.A. system. I looked over at my clock radio to check the time. It was noon, time to pick up my canteen in the Core building. I did a quick scan of my room, which was clean but not so neat. Unmade bed, papers, pens and envelopes spread across my desk; time had gotten away from me. Movement between...
Chapter 20: “Passing” Summer: Surrendering To Obedience And Experiencing God
by Holly | March 31, 2024 | 2016, Letters, Life During | 0 Comments
“Noel, do you have Tim’s newest phone number?” I asked my oldest son. I was concerned about Tim and felt certain additional support from family and friends would help. “I do,” Noel replied. “I have not called him lately though,” he added. I imagined Noel busy with his work in the Army Reserves as well as his regular job. “Could you call?” I queried. “I think he’s lonely and would love some time...
Chapter 21: Born Bad: Transforming Darkness into Light
by Holly | April 9, 2024 | 2016, Life During | 1 Comment
“I was kicked out of Anthony.” I turned in my chair to see who was speaking. Vikki, one of the ABE students, was talking with the teacher, Ms. Shaibley. It was a Monday afternoon in August 2016 and the school day was nearly over. I’d been reviewing a kite to me from the psych department, their response to my asking for a copy of my records. Facing a trial for my parental rights next month, I...
Chapter 22: Journey Through Betrayal: Faith Tested in the Prison of Family Dysfunction
by Holly | April 26, 2024 | 2016, Life During | 0 Comments
Filing into the prison visiting room with the rest of the ABE students, I found a seat and dropped into it. It was September 2016, and the quarterly education meeting was about to begin. The visiting room furniture had been re-arranged. Now blue plastic chairs faced a projection screen and podium. Students from every class filled the room to receive awards. Mr. Frye, a math teacher, and Ms....
Chapter 23: The Trial: Learning to Trust God
by Holly | May 8, 2024 | 2016, Life During | 0 Comments
Below you will find 2 versions of chapter 23 "The Trial." I would love to hear which version resonates best with you, the reader. Which do you find more powerful, relatable and impactful to you?Standing in the dayroom I stared at the Memo of the Day. I’d read it three times and my heart sank. A prison-wide lockdown was scheduled for next week, the very day of the trial for my parental rights!...
Chapter 24: Christmas and Love
by Holly | May 27, 2024 | 2016, Life During | 0 Comments
“Upper A, upper A, come down for linen exchange,” the PA squawked. In my room, I watched TV and waited for my wing to be called. My linens – bed sheets and towels – sat folded at the end of my bed. Sometimes we received fluffy soft towels and new sheets. Usually, we received thin scratchy towels and bed sheets with stains. I went to bed that night with nicer than normal linens, hoping it was a...
Chapter 25: The Impossible: God can do anything!
by Holly | May 29, 2024 | 2017, Life During | 0 Comments
In January 2017, I was still mourning the absence of Tim in my life. Graciously, God had moved my son Tom to begin speaking to me again. God always moved in the hearts of my children to keep at least one of them in my life. When one disappeared, another arrived again. Without explaining his earlier rejection of me, Tom shared the reason for his newest change of heart. Tom was involved in the...
Chapter 26: Changing Rooms, Changing Lives
by Holly | June 6, 2024 | 2017, Life During | 0 Comments
One afternoon in May 2017 as I sat in the prison dayroom, I noticed my coworker Sylvia being pushed in her wheelchair by her roommate. Sylvia’s hands trembled as she struggled to recall where she was. Her eyes looked lost and confused, searching the room for something familiar. ‘What day is it?’ she whispered; a question that had become all too common. Sylvia, who rarely socialized, began...