Introduction: Get to know From Surviving to Living!
by Holly | May 1, 2023 | Life During | 0 Comments
A brief note or two for first time visitors. First, welcome! I'm so glad to see you! Are you in need of rescue? Here is my rescue story. I share it because I know it can be your story too! It is my prayer that every post lead you one step closer in your walk with Jesus today. There is no right or wrong way to read this blook. Read the posts in any order you desire! The "Blook like a blog" page...
Chapter 1: JAIL
by Holly | April 1, 2023 | 2010, Life Before | 0 Comments
Intake process at the county jail passed in a blur. Well that's not exactly true. It dragged on, so boring it became forgettable. An officer transported me by police car from the local police station to the county jail. Hands cuffed behind me, I sat on a hard plastic seat in the back. The jail entrance reminded me of a hospital Emergency Room. We pulled up under the porte-cochere, a cement...
Chapter 2: BAIL, SENTENCING, & PRISON INTAKE
by Holly | May 2, 2023 | 2010, 2011, Life Before | 0 Comments
Released on bail after 3 months in jail, Chad arrived to bring me home, telling me in the car, “We’re being evicted and everything has to be out of the house by the end of the day.” At home nothing was packed or ready for a move. We failed to meet the end of the day deadline and were forced to leave many things behind. We had nowhere to go, no money and I called my parents for...
Chapter 3: GROWING UP
by Holly | May 30, 2023 | Before 2010, Life Before | 0 Comments
At age 8 I told my little brother, Randy, that he wasn’t a real member of our family. The police had come to the door one day with a baby and said, “If he gives you any trouble, call us. We’ll come get him.” Not true, of course. Randy didn’t know that. My inspiration came from Bill Cosby records. Lip trembling, Randy went to tell on me. “Holly, stop telling your brother lies!” my mom yelled from...
Chapter 4: ORIENTATION (CHANGE, SHOCK & AWE, SUICIDE WATCH)
by Holly | June 1, 2023 | 2010, Life During | 0 Comments
Part One March 2011 - September 2015 “There is none righteous [none that meets God’s standard], not even one.” ~Romans 3:11 (AMP) “The way of the wicked is like [deep] darkness; they do not know over what they stumble.” ~Proverbs 4:19 (AMP) On my second day in prison the prison placed me in a two week orientation class. We were called R&O’s (Reception & Orientation). One purpose of...
Chapter 5: MARRIAGE
by Holly | June 1, 2023 | Before 2010, Life Before | 0 Comments
Just before my 19th birthday, I married Scott, a man I had dated in high school. On a whim we drove to Las Vegas with some friends and got married. My parents were upset by my impulsive decision. They asked me, “What were you thinking? Why did you do that?” It wouldn’t be the last time I was asked these questions and regretted my decisions. Right away Scott began staying out all night,...
Chapter 6: A PADDED ROOM (THE PICKLE SUIT)
by Holly | June 2, 2023 | 2010, Life During | 0 Comments
Suicide watch in Shakopee takes place in the facility’s segregation unit. While inmates are taken to seg for disciplinary reasons, it is also used for suicide watch and health concerns. Soon I would be seeing it for myself. Seven months had slid by since my arrival at prison. One Thursday night I called my parents’ home and my newest nightmare began. “Your husband is moving to Washington....
Chapter 7: WoW
by Holly | June 10, 2023 | 2011, Life During | 0 Comments
As I waited to be released from seg, I received a kite (internal institutional mail) from the director of Shakopee’s Women of Wellness program (WoW). She invited me to participate in the six week “in-patient” mental health program. I would be transferred to Monahan, Shakopee’s mental health living unit. I felt a little excitement. I would get back on track and do better! MCF-Shakopee...
Chapter 8: RING TOSS & DOPPELGANGERS
by Holly | June 25, 2023 | 2011, Life During | 0 Comments
My job in General Assembly (Rubber) was housed in a large warehouse building shared by several educational and industry job opportunities. There were 2 main jobs – ring inspections and cutting rubber. I was assigned to rings. Base pay was 50 cents. Working rings started by retrieving a tub of gaskets and returning to your desk. You examine each for flaws, noting imperfections and rejecting ones...
Chapter 9: NO PIE & SIX MONTHS NO SHOWER
by Holly | December 29, 2023 | 2011, 2012, Life During | 0 Comments
It was January 2012 and I worked in General Assembly inspecting gaskets at base pay, 50 cents an hour. PIE work, given out on seniority, paid $4-$6 per hour. I set my sights on top pay and planned. I didn't have long to wait. One afternoon prison guards entered, strolled through the room and halted at a nearby desk. A co-worker doing PIE work peered up in surprise. I held my breath and waited. I...
Chapter 10: SEX OFFENDER (SO) TREATMENT
by Holly | December 30, 2023 | 2012, 2013, Life During | 0 Comments
My caseworker had informed me that the Sex Offender (SO) Treatment program would remove barriers and open doors to privileges, but I nevertheless enrolled in December 2012 with an attitude problem. I was once again moved to Monahan and installed back in Lower B. Sylvia was still in residence, as was Gigi. Tamara was my newest roommate. We would be in treatment together. I also met Tina, an...
Chapter 11: UNINTENDED IDLE (AGENCY & DEHUMANIZATION)
by Holly | January 5, 2024 | 2013, 2014, Life During | 0 Comments
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My youngest son Tim, aged 11, was in hospital for emergency surgery. Scared, I had many questions. My caseworker had no information. It would be many days before an update.
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Chapter 12: LAST CALL
by Holly | January 7, 2024 | 2014, 2015, Life During | 0 Comments
"Mommy? Do you still love us?” Vivi’s little voice sang out across the phone lines. Summer 2014. She was 7 years old. Timmy was still under the supervision of Child Protective Services and in foster care. My heart ached as each month upsetting reports from Social Services arrived documenting their lives. “Absolutely I do, Vivi!” I answered, surprised at her question. “I thought...
Chapter 13: WHERE’S MY SON!?
by Holly | January 9, 2024 | 2015, Life During | 0 Comments
Come work with me!” Jae had urged me in the past. “We need another tutor.” I shuddered at the thought. “Not a chance,” I threw back. Jae was a tutor in Adult Basic Education (A.B.E). It might be argued prison has neighborhoods – UI (the unemployed) its roughest neighborhood and Education – UI’s angry twin. In Minnesota state prisons, employment grants some autonomy. If...
Chapter 14: SURPRISED BY JOY
by Holly | January 24, 2024 | 2015, 2016, Life During | 0 Comments
Part Two October 2015 - December 2018 The Supernatural “But you will receive power and ability when the Holy Spirit comes upon you; and you will be My witnesses [to tell people about Me]both in Jerusalem and in all Judea, and Samaria, and even to the ends of the earth.”~ Acts 1:8 "...the Lord opened her heart to pay attention and to respond..." Acts 16:14 I think of this as my beginning. I...
Chapter 15: RAGE
by Holly | February 4, 2024 | 2016, Life During | 0 Comments
An avid reader, I usually carried a library book with me wherever I went. Now, however, it was my Bible I couldn’t put down. I stopped checking out library books altogether, instead fascinated by God’s Word. My friend Khoua, who had the previous year loaned me the book about the power of the Holy Spirit had also been reading the booklets given at Christmas. She professed to be a Christian and...
Chapter 16: SURRENDER
by Holly | February 11, 2024 | 2016, Life During | 0 Comments
A battle was on the horizon, one I hoped to avoid. I was reaching out to every family member, friend and organization I remembered, trying to find a place for Tim to live outside of foster care. It was May 2016 and 13 year-old Tim had been in foster care for a miserable 2 and half years. When Timmy first went to foster care, a state provided lawyer encouraged me to sign a waiver of my parental...
Chapter 17: TASTE & SEE
by Holly | February 26, 2024 | 2016, Life During | 0 Comments
Obedience “Why do you call me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ and do not do what I say? ”Luke 6:46 “This is love for God: to keep his commands.” I John 5:3 The next day, I slipped into my chair at work and prepared for another day of grading papers. Jae, my co-worker, slipped into the chair next to mine. Jae had taken a leave of absence from work for several months and was now back. Before her absence we shared...
Chapter 18: PASSING
by Holly | March 3, 2024 | 2016, Life During | 0 Comments
Jesus continued to teach me, but I would soon question – is it possible to have a good life doing everything His way? Returning to Tubman from work one afternoon, I found a young woman named Allie weeping alone in the dayroom. She was new to the prison and I didn't know her well, but I was concerned. I sat beside her and asked, "What is wrong?" She wiped her eyes and sniffled. "I went to pick up...
Chapter 19: LOVE AND HATE
by Holly | March 13, 2024 | 2016, Life During | 0 Comments
Love “You shall love your neighbor as yourself.” Matthew 22:39 “By this everyone will know that you are My disciples, if you have love and unselfish concern for one another.” John 13:35 "Did you see who’s back?” Jae asked me. I turned to see who she was talking about. The dayroom in Tubman was full. “There, by the window,” she added, pointing to a woman sitting by herself. I followed Jae’s hand...
Chapter 20: BIRTHDAY CARDS
by Holly | March 31, 2024 | 2016, Letters, Life During | 0 Comments
Holidays and other special days are harder than usual for an incarcerated person. They are a reminder of family and love, which hurts when you are separated from them. It makes misery more acute. Birthdays without birthday cards make one wonder, “Am I loved?” As I focused on love I began to wonder, 'What does God say love is?' I like clear-cut definitions, but didn't expect to find one in the...
Chapter 21: APOLOGIES
by Holly | April 9, 2024 | 2016, Life During | 1 Comment
Humility “in humility count others more significant than yourselves.” Philippians 2:3 “God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.” I Peter 5:5 Sitting at the desk in my cell, I finished another letter to my children. Suddenly, movement was called over the P.A. system. I looked over at my clock radio to check the time. It was noon, time to pick up my canteen in the Core building. I did...
Chapter 22: THE PSYCH REPORT
by Holly | April 26, 2024 | 2016, Life During | 0 Comments
"I was kicked out of Anthony.” I turned in my chair to see who was speaking. It was a Monday afternoon in August 2016 and the school day was nearly over. I’d been reading a kite from the psych department. In the trial for my parental rights, I thought my psych test results from Sex Offender treatment might help me in court. I had asked the psych department for a copy. I read their answer - “We...
Chapter 23: STOLEN CANTEEN
by Holly | May 8, 2024 | 2016, Life During | 0 Comments
Trials “No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man.” I Corinthians 10:13 “Beloved, do not be surprised at the fiery trial when it comes upon you to test you, as though something strange were happening to you.” I Peter 4:12 Pen Pals are still a thing in prison. Many inmates are lonely, in need of a friend. Who better than another inmate in the same boat? Inmates are very creative...
Chapter 24: BACK IN SEG
by Holly | May 27, 2024 | 2016, Life During | 0 Comments
July 2017, and the prison was on another lockdown. Everyone living in Tubman (including me) knew the reason – two women living in a cell across the hall from mine had been caught selling meth. Administration spent days tearing apart their room trying to find the drugs and eventually brought a drug dog to search all of Tubman. “Upper B to the dayroom,” the PA squawked. Doors snapped open and we...
Chapter 25: SYLVIA
by Holly | May 29, 2024 | 2017, Life During | 0 Comments
I never connected the dots between emotional and spiritual health. In fact, I’d rejected the idea of a connection years earlier. Sitting in the medical waiting room in prison I overheard, “Have you read this Christian book about depression? It claims there’s a spiritual connection.” “What? That’s offensive. Depression is not a sin!” someone else responded. I'd never read the book mentioned but...
Chapter 26: PPCG
by Holly | June 6, 2024 | 2017, Life During | 0 Comments
One day in February Marsha approached me in the dayroom. “Holly, I am wondering if you’d be willing to help with something. We are planning the discipline free banquet and don’t yet have a theme for this year. Even though you are not a member of the Positive Peer Culture Group (PPCG), I think the prison would permit you to help if I asked. I thought of you because you are creative. Would you...
Chapter 27: PREPARING FOR RELEASE
by Holly | September 15, 2025 | 2018, Life During | 0 Comments
When God first began His good work in me, not everyone was pleased. My parents, in particular, were offended. After several weeks spent reading the Bible, I called my parents. "Mom! I read the entire New Testament!" I told her. She didn't believe me, thinking I was attention seeking. My parents seemed so religious growing up, and I was so eager for their approval, that I assumed this...
Chapter 28: THE IMPOSSIBLE
by Holly | September 15, 2025 | 2018, Life During | 0 Comments
My release from prison was growing close, but God still had some important lessons for me. In 2013 I had been granted in person visiting privileges with my children, however I had not been removed from the list of Predatory Offenders. Removal from the list was the final step one could achieve in visiting privilege appeals. Since 2013 I had appealed for my removal every year, and been denied. By...
Chapter 29: FREEDOM
by Holly | September 15, 2025 | 2018, Life During | 0 Comments
I began counting down the days to my release date, which is also referred to as an SRD (Supervised Release Date) or simply 'out date.' Inmates have their own counting systems. The most popular one is '___ days and a wake-up', such as '6 days and a wake-up.' One does not include today or the release date in the number. You only count the days between today and the last day. This makes one's...